hey
HELLO FRIENDS
i have been wanting to write lately. create, talk to you all. but i shut myself up, like there’s a gag order on my voice. what if an opp (lol) reads it and thinks i’m corny. what if an x looks into it and thinks i’m really nerdy and cheesy. what if someone reading this feels i’m worrying too much about what others think about me. guys, the amount of expression i want to share with y’all is like an ocean in my heart that is overflowing.
you might wonder why i don’t just write this into a diary or journal. well, i crave the mycelia web that art, poetry and language can do to connect souls and humans together. so, with that said, i am going to visualize in my mind who i think is reading this, so i can write directly from my heart to yours. you are kind, inquisitive and curious. hungry, thirsty. eager to observe and consume material from someone who shares your reflections of this world— you are soft, beautiful and really, really whole in your core.
i am trying to create a new reality for myself lately. i can’t go too deep into it just yet at this moment, but it’s the type transition that’s on a tectonic level. like the earth’s plates stirring, the root, the core of oneself alchemizing. a paradigm shift. it’s only when we secure changes at this level that we see surface level transformations. the mountain peaks are built from the movings of the inner earth.
as part of this process, i am implementing a few practices, disciplines, devotions. one of them is showing up, every week, imperfect, to share my musings with you all. this practice holds a very dynamic purpose:
creating discipline is important for me. i have a billion planets in capricrorn, including my nn and my sun is in aquarius. for my astro newbies, that basically means i am ruled by saturn, which is the planet of discipline. saturn is the big papa of the zodiac, the emperor, the karmic king. i don’t think it’s chance that i have such a strong saturnian influence. i think perhaps my baby alien cloud like soul needed the strong hand of saturn to usher me into the uncomfortable territory of structure and discipline because if not i would melt into the ethers. so dear saturn, i will study at your feet and create discipline in my life. however, recently i read somewhere that rather than viewing it as discipline, consider it devotion. part of my new devotional practice is writing to you guys weekly. hey.
practicing imperfection. something i would love to share with you all one day is about my journey of learning to be loved in my imperfections, however right now just know that sentiment spans all the way to something as simple as art. part of this experience is about sharing work with the world that isn’t perfect. idk if any of y’all are artists, creatresses, but i imagine for some of y’all it may feel super impossible and stressful to share a product that doesn’t seem perfectly polished. well, i deal with this all the time, so my weekly musings and sharings are here to help me accept imperfection in art, rather, to revel in the act of simply creating and sharing that creation.
sharpening a craft i love. this one is pretty simple. i love writing. i want to get better at it. the only way to do this is to write. i can’t get better at it in my head, in theory. silly me. a writer, after all, is simply someone who writes.
lastly, i need to practice being seen. oh my gosh. me? post on my main grid? to share that i have written weird, raw, honest words and now i am telling you all about it!? please, it seems lately i would rather work in a rose garden with all thorns and no gloves than do such a revealing act. yet, here i am. facing such a silly little fear. being perceived by humans is hard when i swear just a light year ago i was a ball of gorgeous, radiant light with you guys. well, any who, here i am. here we are. sharing, reading, exposing, listening, loving.
on this week one of writing, i just wanted to share my intentions with you all. i don’t know what is to come, but i am so happy to be back. with so much love, and all the x’s and o’s, thank you for being here. i love you <3
carly yolanda trujillo