embodiment

T O F E E L I S T O K N O W

Embodiment is a word that’s been tossed around a lot lately. Honestly, thank God, because the experience of being fully embodied, fully present, is akin to pure bliss.

Knowing that more individuals, including women, are sinking deeper into their own skin, integrating lessons and holding intimate, physical space for themselves is pure magic & a delight that needs to be celebrated.

Embodiment is the sun lingering on my skin, caressing my flesh. It is being fully penetrated by a lover: physically, spiritually, emotionally. It is the awareness of fresh air on a sweet spring day kissing & absorbing into every cell in my body. Embodiment is connection through ease & presence. It is exalting my intuition as my ultimate trusted companion.

My journey towards embodiment has been the the most arduous and challenging lesson I have embarked upon to date, yet it’s somehow the juiciest and most fruitful one yet.

D I S S A S O C I A T I O N +

E A R L Y P R O G R A M M I N G

Deepening into awareness and sensuality within my own skin hasn’t always felt safe for me. When I was young, even before my teenage years, I would dance naked in the mirror, mesmerized at the beauty of my own body. As time went by, and I began to blossom and become sexually active, I shamed myself for my behavior, thus shutting down my sensual self as I knew her; I became completely disassociated from my body. This trend lasted for well over 10 years of my life.

Within our lived experiences in the physical form, we have the pleasure of engaging in wonders that feel good to us, such as sensuality, sexuality intuition and intimacy. Yet, often times, society programs us into believing we shouldn't engage in such experiences.

Growing up, my environment did not honor my intuition, physical pleasure or bodily guidance. This is not an affront on my upbringing, rather it’s a reflection of the common conditions and narrative our culture as a whole presents us with. It is generational, cultural programming that has caused so much damage to the collective.

Though I was always an intuitive and very empathic child, I muffled my body’s desires, banishing them to the underworld, where they would live for years. Any time I let sensual and sexual pleasures take the front seat, I felt scorned for it, however indirectly and unintentionally it may have been. I deemed it all unsafe: beauty, intuition, pleasure, all of it.

I disconnected from my intuitive/ sensual body for so many reasons, however right now, I want to focus on the simple & basic programming that failed me terribly:

1: Our bodies are pointless tools and vessels in regards to intuition.

2: Pleasure isn’t important.

3. There is shame that may occur from breaking these molds.

H E A L I N G I N A

H O P E L E S S P L A C E

I never stopped dancing, soaking in bath tubs or being intimate with partners, yet true pleasure was not present. My flesh was going through the motions, and I was numb to it all. In the past few years I was able to bear witness to a sacred truth.

Though I was aware of the path I so desired to forge ahead on, I carried the weight of a new problem; the embodied practices I desired to heal my intimacy wounds with did not feel safe enough to journey into yet

I was in partnership with a man I felt no desire for- and I knew I wanted to leave. This stifled my path towards sensual embodiment, as my body intuitively rejected him- daily.

I bought a yoni egg years ago; I used it for the first time as a newly single woman. Simple acts such as egg play or melting into my bed naked, warm and juicy straight out of the shower never felt right when I was in my last partnership. A deeply loving relationship can be an unsafe space for one’s body. In that space, these sensual acts would have evoked erotic desires from my partner, when that was furthest from my intentions with these rituals. I was engaging in them in service to myself as acts of love and admiration.

Simple acts of physical intimacy can feel like a violation to one’s system if clear intuitive messages are being ignored.

I had two choices: sustain my partner’s needs or create space for my own. Rejecting a loved one is painful, but I could no longer abandon myself. My intuition birthed new life when I chose me.

S I M P L E E M B O D I M E N T

S A F E T Y

Cues that you may not feel safe in your body/ physical relationships

+ Having a subliminal, yet very physical, protective barrier between you and your partner, such as knees, hands or arms between the two of you when y’all are getting intimate

+ A simple gut feeling telling you something is off, often manifested as a hardness in the lower core of your belly when in a compromising situation

+ When your partner/friend touches you, your immediate reaction is to recoil

I N T E G R A T I O N

some of my favorite ways to integrate bodily healing, thriving and luv

  • yoni egg practices

  • giving my dog a massage

  • self-pleasure

  • sex

  • dancing (out or in my home)

  • yoga

  • bathing in bodies of water

  • exercise

  • sun bathing

  • self-massage

  • baths

  • lathering my body in lotion

  • selfies

  • jumping on a trampoline or rope

  • playing with children

  • breathing practices / kundalini yoga

  • platonic intimacy with friends, such as linking arms & holding hands

I N T U I T I O N

learning to trust my intuition i…

+ listen to small cues my body tells me throughout the day, thus building up my muscle for big things

+ pay attention to how my heart space feels, physically, during certain experiences. is she racing, contracting, expansive, light, heavy?

+ pause when making decisions i am unsure about, sometimes for a few days

*p word edited b/c insta will block me

b e p a t i e n t w i t h

y o u r s e l f , p l e a s e

As always, I love you,

Carly Yolanda Trujillo

carly trujillo