shine bright

hello love bugs! i got my computer working!! omgsh, please, i can’t handle a broken computer after my battery debacle on louisiana and claibrone this friday.

any way, today i have a message from my higher self. it’s sort of like a pep talk to my human self, and perhaps her message will land in the heart’s of those who need to hear it, too. it’s something i sort of don’t want to share because it’s very ~ inspirational speaker ~ type vibe, which makes me feel corny and cheesy, but hey, sometimes i need the hallmark version of a self love talk.

lately i have been feeling really confident. this is new to me. well, i used to be a confident kid, and also early into adolescence— but somewhere in the haze of my teen years and beyond, i lost my positive self image. i won’t get too deep into the why today, as i feel the story of who i am and how i became this way is weaved into all my work, just know, being an insecure woman is a horrible place to live.

i will say this: having low self worth, minimal self value and a negative self image is not a way to live. and if this is where your lot in life has placed you, i want you to stay and read this today, ok? and if you’re years ahead, healed and carrying on in the limelight of self love, maybe leave, k? i am about to give an earnest and honest big sister pep talk to some of my cuties and homies, and i want this to be a safe space for us.

are you still here you little confident freak? leave! ok, i love you, we’ll chat later.

ok, now that it’s just us, my little scared babies, i want to talk to y’all.

gosh. my gosh. i could cry sitting here thinking of how far i’ve come. i am still so insecure, so please don’t think i am a fully healed human. i still have moments. i still can get derailed and go into a tail spin over a small insecurity feeling magnified, but the progress is no longer a fake it til i make it type vibe, my nervous system feels different. so how did i get here? maybe i can try and put it into words and share enough insight that i can help you, too.

this shit takes years. truly. there is no overnight fix to self love. there is also not a one size fits all regimen towards a healthy self image, so take what works and ignore what doesn’t. maybe a list will suit us. ok, let’s get into it:

~ breath ~

however this lands with you, do it. for some people it’s learning about breath work and creating a whole breath work practice. for others this will be a kundalini meditation practice or simply a mindful, silent, sit still meditation practice. i have learned about these things mostly through youtube, in person classes at yoga studios and experts on instagram like RAMA institute and desiree pais BENSHEN (great online subscription programs for both).

my number one stunner favorite way to work with the modality of breath is by making sure when i’m not talking, eating or things of that nature my mouth is closed and i am breathing through my nose. i think of that line in the bible, somewhere early on G-d breathed life into adam through his nose. that moment, right there, our souls, bodies and breath merged and life source coursed through our bodies. i truly consider the breath the number one gift from G-d. i am so grateful for this beautiful life.

ok, so play with your breath and see where that journey leads you. if there’s only one tip you follow, i would suggest it’s this one.

~ movement ~

i have literally quit the gym and all movement practices before other than walking because i was taking some sort of silly stand against being shallow and having a hot body. i felt like exercise was punishment in the name of being vein, and i would rather be a bit softer and slower than focus on such shallow endeavors. lol, babe, please. earth to carly. while there is so much to unpack here, and it was an earnest experience, i can safely say exercise and movement is a pinnacle in my self love journey.

for me, vinyasa (hot and regular), lagree microformer, rollerblading, jogging, some weights and walking are my perfect mix. each one incorporates something important that i need in my weekly life: fresh air, outdoors, deep sweat, burning muscles, rhythm, breath meets body and pushing my limits. these are all important details for my specific human and soul imprint. also, movement exercise is such an embodiment practice for me, which is so important because i am so brainy and airy.

so, if you’re like me down to the micro, and you don’t exercise because you feel deeply and need to push away anything shallow, please trust me when i tell you it feels so good to allow your body to move and sweat. gosh, fuck, i’m going to say it, ok? it feels so good to feel fine as fuck in my body that is capable of incredible things. and, if that’s still triggering to you that i am insinuating that only strong, toned bodies are beautiful, well, it triggers me too. hehe i feel you.

~ boundaries ~

eek! i am so sorry i said this word. but, it’s so true and real. for me, i needed boundaries with work and certain people.

i will no longer extend myself in any professional environment beyond the capacity that i am required. this may sound super unmotivated, but the truth is, i have my own passions and endeavors, i need my life force in my own spring.

as far as boundaries with people, i would say this is the most important one. i am going to say this as clearly and cunty as possible: if you are like me and have a genuinely loving heart and crave to see others as sacred beings, you need to create boundaries with anyone in your life that talks shit about others, complains a lot and is ungrateful. i am not suggesting you close your heart to these people— honestly, i won’t suggest anything, because this is a touchy subject— but i will say for me this changed my life.

the only people in my inner circle who have immediate access to me are ones who’s insides are even more beautiful than their outsides, and i have some gorgeous, radiant friends and community members, so that says a lot. keeping the river that i swim in clean and pure allows me to live in a reality i am proud of. i hope that it’s contagious and others remember living this way is so worth it <3

~ learn to say no ~

this one is similar to the last one. learning to humbly and lovingly say no has surpassed any expectation i had for my quality of life. omgsh, every time i say something cheesy i feel like i need to have a disclaimer first: when i started saying no to other people, i was able to say yes to myself.

why are you doing things you don’t want to do? why are you going to that social event you don’t want to go to? why are you saying yes to work you don’t need? why are you joining the group you don’t resonate with? please, quit doing that shit. if someone pushes back to your boundary, reevaluate why you have people in your life who get fussy when chose to live your life the way you feel best.

create a beautiful life. create a beautiful life. yes, please. create a beautiful life. find space, create the space for beauty,

~ taking up space ~

this one is scary. there is a lot to say here. as i grew to love myself, truly, deeply, i felt more beautiful. it’s a reflection of grace, aura. i take up more space. i feel more gratitude in my heart, i think people can see that. so you may be wondering, what am i getting to?

i think for so long, i never wanted to feel like i was better than anyone. i still don’t. i couldn’t imagine being a burden to anyone’s journey or restrict their self image by being bright and beautiful. maybe they would feel insecure and jealous. as a way to walk shoulder to shoulder with those suffering the most, i have dimmed my light, stayed small.

alternatively, beauty and confidence were tied into being egotistical, which ultimately landed on being shallow and superior. these were never values i wanted to align with, either. so i stayed gray and small, i wanted to look into the eyes of the suffering and let them know they are not alone.

i know this is sick thinking, and i am finally shedding this identity, truly. but it does’t make being shiny and bright easy. there will be push back from people, too. but that’s ok. it’s worth it, i promise. i am getting there <3 please remember, this radiance i speak of is beyond the flesh. but if you’re here, i think you already knew that.

awareness that radiance is not extracted from shallowness is healing. rather, it is a gift to beautiful. be art, a flower, the ultimate muse.

~ moments of sweetness ~

this links on to the last one, the wave of beauty. candles, flowers, sun gazing, water bathing, oil caressing, smiling, laughing, flirting, cumming, tree holding, dancing, painting, writing. so many infinite possible ways to create moments of sweetness, and these are just a few a apart of my journey.

~ maintenance ~

the journey never ends. i have quoted him before and i will a million more times: keep up and you will be kept up ~ yogi bhajan.

period. you don’t get to stop. but that’s ok. the journey is all the sweeter when we earn our joy through tears— when we relish in our beauty and radiance while remembering the shadows.

i love you all so much, and as always

domingo is for lovers `✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ <3<3<3<3

carly yolanda trujillo