it's in the vision, mija
hey friends,
gosh. i really didn’t want to write this week— but that’s the thing about vision, yeah— you have to take the steps. what does writing on sunday have to do with my vision? it helps me create an unobstructed, artistic flow for my prayer and poetry book, an open heart, a fruitful life, a beautiful life… and beyond.
i didn’t know what i wanted to write about until last night. i was laying in bed watching a little show and it came to me. my phone was already plugged in, away, so i opened the notes app on my computer. i couldn’t lose it. telling myself i would remember when i wake up was a frail promise:
“when we can’t see ourself that we are creating but we have to have faith in hazy visions and steps”
yeah, that was enough. i would remember come morning. thank God i do, and it has since crystalized into my consciousness like a clear forest floor fantasy picturesque scene in the minds eye. the words, the feelings that this concept entices, it feel right. so good. so let’s get into it.
it’s all part of the gift of life, to be able to rest, create, rest, create. they are different eras. some for giving and some for receiving. at times for pleasure and others with hustle. i know a rest period is coming to an end when i feel impregnated with inspiration, potential. the gift of risk and reward pulsate through my veins, i gleam and glimmer with hope.
often times, the breadth of a new vision comes in with full clarity. it’s like a download with a guide, as ancient, honest and true as a wizard in a video game giving out a scroll with a map and directions. x marks the spot. here’s how i will look. this is how my hair will shine. my smile and the light in my eyes will manifest this way. everything is planned out, i just have to walk the path.
i love those journeys towards my lightest, best life and self. they’re a journey outward, and in reflection, i feel like a russian nesting doll, constantly unlocking layers towards my core, getting closer and closer to center, to my heart. but, it’s not always so simple, and i am currently in one of these alternative eras.
if some creative periods are marked with a framed vision, others are a bit more neptunian and hazy. she has knocked on my door, my wild, healed self, asking for me to embark on a new journey towards the sun, moon and all that lies in between with her, but she won’t give me a destination, just that i trust her.
the vision is as clear as a silhouette dancing behind my cotton, white curtains on a sunny sunday morning. i can’t see what i’m wearing on the other side, how my smile rests into the ease of a loved one or how i wear my hair, but i am certain that if i take my own hand into the unknown, i will walk into something beautiful of my own creating. the magnetic glimpses of a life yet to be told that my higher self are revealing to me are enough.
why are some journeys of the unknown and others more clear? i am not sure of this mystery, but i maybe have some clues. mostly, i think the visions that are full masterpieces before i even begin are the ones that pull from many versions of who i have been, where i am coming from. i am able to hold the goal in my mind’s eye with very little effort, because i am showing up as someone i am familiar with, because in many ways, she holds pieces of who i was before, who i am now.
right now, the destination is a mystery, but the path is a soulful demand. my inkling to put fire to my feet is a desire that borderlines compulsive, because the roots are anchored so deep that if i do not, if i risk staying, the immortality of my soul will not be able to kiss this short life the way it deserves. as i step onto this new terrain with fear, i know it’s a gift i deserve to give myself.
i had touched on the easy, pretty journey. the one where we show up into our new lives in many parts as who we have been in the past. but what about the other way, the deep well that i am now— if a new way of being is at the cusp, that means in many ways an old self is shedding. it must happen, whether with a tight grip, leaving brush burns or the sweet nebula of letting go by choice.
holding fractals of a vision that is unclear means i must maintain focus on the desired feeling, rather than the outcome of a perfectly painted portrait. i have to take it one step at a time, rather than creating a game plan. i go into meditation hoping to receive one new directive, anchoring in to focus on the feeling, knowing that with enough attention and devotion, we will melt into each other— me, my aura, and that which is desiring me to come into her. like the wizard in the video game who gives me the map, i am still receiving guidance, just now he’s giving me clues to my next quest. one step at a time. as the bricks unfold, i will follow them. i keep quiet, with my eyes wide open.
i love you all so much. thank you
as always, domingo is for lovers
xo, carly yolanda trujillo